As you read this post please keep in mind the following:
To be clear, the comfort that this statement gives would NOT apply to marriages in which abuse and infidelity are present. Especially in situations with abuse, one should NOT just persevere, work through it, and wait for it to improve, but should seek help and remove themselves from the situation immediately. In addition, unfortunately sometimes one person chooses to leave, taking the choice to work it out, away from the other person. Finally, please remember seeking counseling to help you and your spouse get through the tough times is never a bad thing.
Marriage Mishaps and Miracles:
An unlikely statement (from someone now married 47 years) ended up being the most comforting thing I have ever been told regarding marriage
“There will be periods of time in your marriage when you and your spouse will not really like each other.”
I know that at first glance you might think that this is an awful thing to say, especially to someone that is soon to be married. On the contrary…This one statement was REAL and has made me feel better over the years than any other piece of advice or comment regarding marriage ever has!!
The fact is that marriage is hard and you will not always like the person to whom you are married.
(I am so glad someone shared that information with me!)
You will notice that I said “like” not “love”. They are two very different things!
You can choose to love someone, and still not like them or what they are doing.
One thing I have learned in 20 years of marriage is that it is an illusion and a mistake to go into marriage thinking you are always going to like your spouse and what they do. If you are married, you WILL have feelings of dislike for your spouse or what they do at some time or another. It is refreshing to realize that you are not alone when these feelings creep in. It is wonderful to know that people who have been happily married a very long time, have had these feelings at various times. It is life saving and marriage saving to know that you can get through them and come out the other side. I am so glad that my Mom said that to me all those years ago. I love my husband and I like many things about him. However, because we are not perfect, I know he doesn’t always like me and what I do and I am not always happy with him. These very real words from my Mom have helped me repeatedly over the years to know that I and my marriage are normal and not bad, because I have those feelings. My parents have been married 47 years and still going strong, but I know they still have periods of time when they don’t like each other and it will pass and it will be ok.
It still amazes me that such an unlikely statement has ended up being the most comforting thing I was ever told regarding marriage.
So take heart and remember today and always…..
“There will be periods of time in marriage when you and your spouse will not really like each other”